Recently I have been coming across the term - people-pleasers quite often. I see it on social media, in personal development books, and even hearing it from people around me.
Who are people pleasers? And why is this term so widely discussed? As the name suggests, a people pleaser is a person who is trying to please others. They may be doing it by:
saying 'YES' to requests they get from others,
afraid of saying 'NO' and thus coming up with different excuses of why they are not available,
offering help without even being asked, or
always saying what the others want to hear, rather than what they really think.
Their main goal is to get others to like them or not get upset with them. This happens on a consistent basis, and it has become a way of living, without them even realising that they are not being authentic in their personal or professional relationships.
pitfall of being too nice
They may be thinking "I am just trying to help, or I just want to be nice", but if they were to take a deep look at how they are feeling, they would realise that often they do things that they actually don't want to do. They may realise that they feel frustrated with not having enough time for themselves, or feel that they are not living their own life.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you should walk around and act like a jerk. It's good to be a good person. As long as your intentions are pure. If you genuinely care about helping others with requests they have. But if you come from a place of wanting to be liked, you have this 'needy' energy that people can sense, and your impact diminishes. They may even respect you less on a subconscious level because you simply do what they ask you for, without question. If you want to create more impact in life, and in fact live freely to be you, without constantly thinking what the others want from you, you need to liberate yourself from the 'people pleaser persona'.
Have you ever noticed that the most confident people are the ones that everyone wants to be friends with? They usually get well respected by others. What is different about them? They are themselves. They don't try to 'fit in' and say things others want to hear. They are honest and expressive in their opinions and clear in setting bounderies, and others value them for it. Their honesty may sometimes come out harsh, but in the long term, people appreciate it because they know that they will get to hear what they really think.
If YOU always do what people ask you to do, they will keep coming to you because you never say 'NO' to them. But is this what you want?
It's your call
Would you like to be more YOU and less staged? Would you want to feel relaxed around anyone and stop worrying about needing to know what the 'right' thing to say is?
Being this way would give you personal freedom in expressing yourself freely, having a sense of ease and joy in the way you communicate. There would be no pressure from 'needing to perform', saying the 'right' thing, and being liked. Every interaction would become more joyful. You would genuinely connect with people because you want to and care about them, not because you NEED them to like you.
If this is what you are after, you may be interested to learn more about the online course I am creating that will help you strengthen your personal leadership and become more of who you are.
Get on my email list to get updates about the launch. Send me a message on your takeaway from this blog. I would love to know what has resonated with you.