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It’s not the situations that cause your suffering

What is the real reason you suffer? Feel angry, stressed out, rejected, or anything else less than ideal that may be showing up in your life consistently?

We may often go about our days, looking at everyone else and situations around us, saying that we feel this way because of 'what others did’ or ‘what happened to us.’ That puts us in a victim stance and takes away our power. We are, in essence, saying that we can only feel good and be happy if those around us do what we want, don’t say things that hurt us, etc. But living this way does not generate happiness. If anything, it only brings a strong dependency on external factors.

The truth is that it is not the situations that make us feel a certain way but our perception and interpretation of those situations. We are the ones who assign meaning to what happens around us. We do so by thinking thoughts that are our beliefs. These trigger feelings, fueling our response and influencing our behavior. For example, if in a work meeting you are saying something and your colleague suddenly interrupts you and starts sharing his idea without waiting for you to finish, it may trigger a thought of ‘he is rude,’ or ‘he does not care about what I have to say’. You may then notice yourself feeling angry or offended, which fuels your behavior depending on your personality type and behavioral preferences. You may withdraw from the conversation or shut down for the rest of the meeting if you feel offended. Or you may say something snappy towards your colleague who had interrupted you.

It’s good to examine the belief behind that thought; it may be ‘what I have to say is not important, ‘my opinion does not matter, or ‘people are rude.’ Those beliefs make us feel and react in a certain way. So, if you don’t like your actions, remember that YOU can create a change by inserting new beliefs that will support your new behavior.

My philosophy in life is that all power is within, and that is where we should tap for the source of energy, satisfaction, and inner peace in our lives. Understanding our triggers, you are setting yourself up to be a more conscious, mindful, and kind person.

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