Self-compassion is not about repeating mantras or positive affirmations that are supposed to pick us up.
Navigating a career and life can bring different elements of ‘suffering’. Things don't go as planned; working relationships with our colleagues don't work, we feel overloaded or cannot assert ourselves. Situations like these may get you thinking that you are not capable, competent, or don't bring value. Or whatever 'not’ that is your story, fill in the blank for yourself ______.
It’s important to remember that feeling this way does not make you a bad person, or wrong in any way.
Feeling all our emotions is healthy and essential to our existence.
Our feelings guide us towards what we want and away from what we don't want. They are important messengers. That is just a sign of being human and learning to navigate life the best way possible.
Sometimes we may even start to feel bad about feeling bad. This used to happen to me in the past. I would put myself further down and sink deeper in my suffering. I believed that I should feel happy and be able to fix ‘it’ - whatever that ‘it’ was. And when I could not do that, I started to feel worse because I saw that as evidence of my 'false story' that I am not strong enough. So, what I did to get ‘out’ was to redirect my attention from the negative feelings to feeling good. But that did not work. It only put a veil over the hurt I was feeling, without making it go away. On a long run, living this way can cause serious mental and physical health problems. That’s because feelings and thoughts are energy, which if it doesn’t get released, it will store itself in our bodies and create different pains, aches, or disasses.
If you want to learn more about this subject, I can highly recommend a book by Louise L. Hay - "You Can Heal Your Life" who shares a connection between specific beliefs and illnesses they can create in our bodies.
Over the years, I learnt that a way to true liberation and peace of mind is through allowing my feelings to be there, and letting them pass through. It felt scary to do at first, but with some practice, I was able to experience lightness on an emotional and physical level. I learnt to accept all my feelings, and see them as guides in my life.
If you find yourself struggling, and are trying to do everything possible to feel better, I know how you feel. And I want you to remember, especially in moments like those, that
you are a whole, unique, capable being with the RIGHT to feel all your feelings.
Be there for yourself in moments like these, and give yourself space to feel. Look deeper within to understand what has triggered your feelings and become honest with yourself about what you really need. Honor that need and give it to yourself. Whether it's to take some time for yourself, have a good sleep, a walk outside, or a chat with a friend. Be gentle and kind to yourself. You are the most significant project you will ever work on.
If you are new to processing your feelings and want some guidance, I am here for you. Feel free to reach out, and let's talk about how I can best support you.